Back to Parenting Articles    Making Good on Divorced Parenting   Parenting is hard enough with two parents in the home that are in love with each other and are committed to raising their children together as best as they can. However, that is not the reality for some families, and some children have no idea what things could be that way. For their entire lives, they have had mom and dad in two separate residences. This does not have to be detrimental to them, as good divorced parenting techniques can make a child feel loved and secure. That is what it is all about anyway.   The most important aspect of divorced parenting is understanding that children have no place in adult issues. It does not matter if your wife was a serial cheater or if your husband squandered your life savings through gambling. That is between the two of you and should not be anything of which the children are aware. They may get wind of it as they grow, but good divorced parenting means keeping that away from them. Pitting children against the other parent is harmful to the children and can only hurt them. Keep your resentments to yourself when your children are within ear shot. Having a good plan to talk to the children about the change, if they are old enough to understand, is a good idea for the foundation of good divorced parenting. No matter how you and your spouse feel about each other, you have to go to your children as a unified front. The conversation will not be easy, but you have to tell them what is changing. You have to assure them that they are not the reason for the change, and that nothing is going to change in what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. They have to know rules are the same even when things otherwise have changed. Once new homes have been established, it is important to keep those very rules in place for effective divorced parenting. Some parents feel so guilty about getting divorced and breaking up the home that they will bend the rules and allow their children to do things that they were not allowed to do before. This is not good divorced parenting and will have the opposite effect on the children. They are going to be confused and lost if things change so much. Keep things as normal in rules and expectations as you can. Though these divorced parenting guidelines are great, not everyone can follow them. At times, resentment is so great that children are pulled into it, even by otherwise good parents. When this happens, and adverse symptoms appear in the children, it might be time to get together and talk about how to change your divorced parenting styles. If need be, see someone who can help you talk things about and readjust your view on what is best for your kids. Don’t feel like a failure. You are only human. Just do what you can to change things when you realize there is a problem.     Privacy Policy